19 Comments
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Margaret Lesh's avatar

Beautifully written, Jane. Shirley Jackson vibes.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you xx

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Douglas Bruton's avatar

Wow! So full of feeling and a fearful anxiety. Loved it!

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

Thank you. Just don’t ask me how she did it. I’d rather not know.

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Rostislava Pankova-Karadjova's avatar

You’re a master wordsmith and imagery-builder and I’m learning and learning from you!

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

I’m pleased and flattered you enjoy what I write, but I’m constantly learning from other people too. It’s why I read the classics in preference to contemporary literature. Most of what’s written today is so disappointing.

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Merril D Smith's avatar

Well, today is definitely a macabre Monday, and this is so very unsettling, but good. I agree about "the sun setting in a pool of blood." It's a great description, but it also foreshadows.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

I’d forgotten about that! Sending thoughts and prayers would be appropriate if it was anything to joke about :(

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Alan Grainger's avatar

"The sun was setting in a pool of blood" - wow, if anything tees up the rest of this unsettling tale then that does. You build tension beautifully, an uncomfortable read in the best possible way.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

Thank you! There’s nothing like the mention of pools of blood to set the tone :)

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Alan Grainger's avatar

Yup - that'll do it!

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Joan Spilman's avatar

At first, I was reminded of The Yellow Wallpaper, then The Awakening. Then, I didn't care. Great stuff, Jane! and I just made myself wake from a nightmare. No joke.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

I have a terror of light switches not working. That’s enough to make me freak out!

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Joan Spilman's avatar

In this one I lost a kid. The endless, futile search.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

I haven’t had a nightmare like that for a while. I used to get it often with the first baby, that I’d leave her on the bus, that kind of thing. Still get exam nightmares though.

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Joan Spilman's avatar

This kid belonged to a friend. I can't get RID of mine.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

Ha ha! As I say, I had that nightmare often with the first one. Don’t remember having the same fears over the sequels :)

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

Wow! I read this breathlessly! So good, and so disturbing.

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Jane Dougherty's avatar

Thanks Liz. The first version of this was just mysterious, then I asked myself why would she be alone and why would anything want to harm her? Answer, she was maybe not the victim after all.

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